Musings on Coyote Urine

I’m marketing a new energy drink.  Despite protestation from marketing advisors, I’m calling it Coyote Piss.  It’s made from actual coyote piss.  I feel it captures the essence of a good run.  

You know what I’m talking about—the tough-it-out and even though I feel like crap I’m a better man than you and when I’m done I’m going to drink coyote piss kind of run, or the I just got a new pair of Brooks Ghost 4s and even though the toe box is too small and my right shoe is rubbing the corn that has formed on my pinky toe and irritating it incessantly I’m still going to set a PR and drink coyote piss kind of run, or the I just downloaded $80 worth of music from Amazon.com even though I could have paid half at emusic.com but that website’s blocked at work so I couldn’t use it but I don’t care because I’m reinserting my “never fall out ear buds” every 42 seconds and kicking ass on this run and when I’m done I’m going to listen to two more songs and drink coyote piss kind of run, except now you’ll say I’m going to drink Coyote Piss before my next run so I feel like drinking coyote piss after my run kind of run.

Give me my energy, coyote!

I got the idea from my encounter with a coyote last week.  Because May in Vegas gets hot in the afternoon and because it’s a good idea to run long distances in preparation for a marathon, I had to get up early on a Thursday so I could run a half marathon.  By early I mean 4:00 A.M.  It’s still dark at 4:00 A.M. and the sun was about to rise when I reached the halfway point of my halfway point to a marathon, at which time I saw a coyote.  You probably didn’t know there were coyote safe havens in metropolitan areas like Las Vegas.  But there are.  I may be a road runner, but this thing wasn’t Wile E. Coyote, so I stopped, whistled a tune, turned around, and pretended the coyote wasn’t there. 

But it was.  

I waited some more, whistled a tune, turned around, and pretended the coyote wasn’t there some more. 

But it was.

Not wanting to resort to Nevada’s stand my ground laws unarmed against a potentially rabies infected mammal, I turned around and headed in the opposite direction.

  

Looks like the Sunset Park Loop Half Marathon was changing courses.

I was a bit skittish on the way back, nearly pulling a hamstring after a rabbit hopped out from a bush, giving me visions of Monty Python (see video below for details), but once I got out of the park and the diarrhea was cleared from the back of my knee, I had more adrenaline than a fourteen-year-old boy at a stripper convention (This, by the way was the second choice for the name of my new energy drink but gathering the ingredients would have involved membership in the Strip Club Janitor’s Union).  My splits tell the story

       

        1^st half: 59:07

        2^nd half: 52:45

So, next time you’re feeling a little run down halfway down your run, take a swig of Coyote Piss and howl all the way to the finish line.

*No coyotes were harmed during the writing of this blog post.

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Training update because I know you care.  

• Ran the aforementioned half in under 1:52, a couple minutes off my personal best, which was set on a less hilly course with no rabid animals lurking about.  
• Knocked out a 39:09 five-miler on a hilly loop, a personal best.  My uphill miles averaged 8:23, my downhill miles averaged 7:14, and the flat mile was done in 7:53.
• Realized the Utah Valley Marathon starts at 6200 feet.  My only experience with 6200 feet is in Logan, Utah.  I felt like I was breathing through a straw with a cloth covered hole for half-a-mile before I got used to it.
• The amount of descent on the course is similar to the descent from the park to my house, which I’ve been cruising down lately between 7:30 and 8:00 on long runs.  I’m thinking I could break 3:40 in this marathon as long as the altitude doesn’t suffocate me or as long as I don’t poop my pants at mile 11.