- Resolutions. Apparently people are depressed on January 21 because they've already broken their New Year's Resolution. Really? If something was a good idea on January 1, wouldn't it still be a good idea on January 21? It's time to make third week in January resolutions!
- The weather's still bad. Not here. It's 60 and sunny right now. Not very depressing.
- The inauguration. Sure, the thought of listening to our commander-in-chief make excuses and blame someone else for his mistakes for the next four years is a little depressing, but if national leaders who don't live up to the hype are a reason to get depressed, then I'd have slit my wrists every four years for the past 24 years.
- It's Monday. I like Mondays, especially when I don't have to work. In addition, we get to celebrate the life of a great individual who reminded us that governments must protect our god-given rights, not take them away.
- Football. If you live in New England or Atlanta, you have every right to be depressed. I don't live in either place.
- Internet girlfriends. I suppose if you discovered your girlfriend who died but didn't die never existed and it was blasted all over every media outlet for a week straight and people are making fun of you incessantly, you'd have a good reason to be depressed. That didn't happen to me. My wife is real. And she doesn't have leukemia. And she didn't get in a car accident. And I don't have an Internet or non-Internet girlfriend.
After this thorough scientific analysis, there's really no reason to be depressed today unless you're a fan of the Patriots or Falcons, or you're Mitt Romney, or you just got exposed on national media for falling in love with a non-existent woman.