The Most Depressing Day of the Year

I heard on the radio today (so it must be true) that today is the most depressing day of the year. Let us analyze.

1. Resolutions. Apparently people are depressed on January 21 because they've already broken their New Year's Resolution. Really? If something was a good idea on January 1, wouldn't it still be a good idea on January 21? It's time to make third week in January resolutions!
2. The weather's still bad. Not here. It's 60 and sunny right now. Not very depressing.
3. The inauguration. Sure, the thought of listening to our commander-in-chief make excuses and blame someone else for his mistakes for the next four years is a little depressing, but if national leaders who don't live up to the hype are a reason to get depressed, then I'd have slit my wrists every four years for the past 24 years.
4. It's Monday. I like Mondays, especially when I don't have to work. In addition, we get to celebrate the life of a great individual who reminded us that governments must protect our god-given rights, not take them away.
5. Football. If you live in New England or Atlanta, you have every right to be depressed. I don't live in either place.
6. Internet girlfriends. I suppose if you discovered your girlfriend who died but didn't die never existed and it was blasted all over every media outlet for a week straight and people are making fun of you incessantly, you'd have a good reason to be depressed. That didn't happen to me. My wife is real. And she doesn't have leukemia. And she didn't get in a car accident. And I don't have an Internet or non-Internet girlfriend.

After this thorough scientific analysis, there's really no reason to be depressed today unless you're a fan of the Patriots or Falcons, or you're Mitt Romney, or you just got exposed on national media for falling in love with a non-existent woman.