|Before Positive Drug Test|
|After Positive Drug Test|
Penguin Cornelius concedes that Red Bull is not on the banned list, but speed, cocaine, ephedrine, and crystal meth, all which showed up in large amounts in Santa's blood, are. Cornelius adds, "There have also been damning photos of Santa commiserating with the Devil. This is not the kind of publicity the South Pole Marathon needs."
|Santa's relationship with this man has rumors of devil worship swirling throughout the running community.|
Santa's team of lawyers plan to appeal the decision as soon as all gifts have been distributed on Christmas Eve, none of which, incidentally, will be finding their way into Penguin Cornelius's stocking.