Monday, January 16, 2012

The Best Weight Loss Plan Ever?

We all know that Bulimia is a very stupid weight loss plan, but what about Reverse Bulimia?

Reverse Bulimia, by the way, does not involve eating puke--yours or anybody else's--although I've a friend who ate puke once (he also ate spiders and hot peppers).  In order to fully incorporate Reverse Bulimia into your training regimen, you need to catch the stomach flu, which is not as hard as you think.  All you have to do is hang out where people with the stomach flu congregate--hospitals, public trash cans, and Burger King, for example.

I was fortunate enough to hang out at a place where the stomach flu was on the rampage this week: my house.  Here's how Reverse Bulimia works:  I got sick and was unable to eat much on Friday.  On Friday night/Saturday morning, everything I had eaten for the past couple days exited my mouth via my esophagus.  I had no desire to eat most of Saturday.  The evening came and I needed food, junk food, so I went to the store and bought a bag of potato chips.  After downing those, I raided the fridge and made some peanut butter and jelly pancakes, followed by a trip to the pantry for some Hostess cupcakes.  I don't even know why there are Hostess cupcakes in my pantry, but I didn't care.  My wife saw how hungry I was, and not knowing of my foraging, made me some potatoes fried in butter, which I doused with ketchup and gobbled down in about 23 seconds.
Twinkies are an integral part of the Reverse Bulimia Training Regimen.
Fruits and vegetables were strictly off limits.

When all was said and done I had eaten some of the worst-for-you, delicious junk food in existence (oh, I forgot about the cheese) and didn't gain a pound because I had thrown up prior to the binge.  If you do it right and plan your stomach flu for non-running days, you can participate in the diet and not slack on your training.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes for you.


Training Update: Skipped Saturday's short run and took it easy today with an 8-miler at about an 8:34 pace (I'm just kidding.  It was far from easy).  I'll resume two-a-days tomorrow. This chest cold is getting old.  Set a pr for dry heaves today. 

I realize I've been writing a lot about vomit lately.  This trend should end (as should my vomiting).  There's only so many angles you can approach throwing up from.

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