Monday, February 13, 2012

Miracle Cures for Running Injuries: Introductory Rant

I am a runner.  There's a good chance you are a runner. I don't define my existence by running. I am other things too--a father, a Christian, a teacher, a UNLV fan. If I were hit by a truck and no longer able to run, I would be upset, but it would not define me.

Many people are not runners, mostly by choice. Some just don't like it. I understand. This rant is not addressed to the haters. It's addressed to the excuse makers. You know what I'm talking about: the "I don't run because it's bad for your knees crowd." Being 800 pounds, by the way, is bad for your knees too. This rant is addressed to the "Running is bad for you" crowd. That triple cheeseburger you just ate, by the way, is bad for you. There are many other crowds who say similar things.  This rant is directed towards you.

Dear "You shouldn't run because....." crowd,

You are a loser. You're fat. You have accomplished nothing in your life, so you try to bring others down. You're insecure. You see me accomplishing goals once thought impossible. You tried to make fun of me the first time I ran 10 miles. You tried to discourage me from running a Marathon.  Go to hell. Kiss my ass.* Look at me. I'm 42. I'm healthy. I'm active. I'm pretty darn good-looking, all things considered. I get tired after a 12-mile run on hills. You get tired walking up stairs. Being out of shape doesn't make you a loser. Resenting those who are in shape does.

Sure, we runners have our share of injuries. I injured my ass this morning. I've had a strained soleus or two. Plantar fasciitis? Had it. Shin splints? Check. I'm not alone. I'm sure most runners have suffered or are suffering dull aches and pains on a regular basis. We don't mind. It's the price we pay for doing something we love and doing something that keeps are entire selves healthy. Deal with it. This doesn't mean running is bad for your knees or your ankles or your ass cheek; it just means we participate in an activity where such things are common. You wouldn't criticize football players because football is bad for your brain, would you? You wouldn't criticize basketball players because basketball is bad for your ankles, would you? Tennis players for their elbows? Soccer players for their shins? Swimmers for their ears?  Of course not. So leave us the hell alone.


Running from Mediocrity

P.S. This is the introductory rant to my miracle cure for common running injuries. I've had a few. My wife's had a few dozen. Some things work. Some things don't. We'll pass on our experiences and hope they help.

By the way, I'm not a doctor. Your doctor's not a runner. Combine the two of us and you have a wealth of knowledge or a complete idiot. You make the call.

*I prefer not to swear in my blog, but "ass" just felt right today. Apologies to the four readers I get annually.


  1. My doctor IS a runner. But I know I'm lucky.

    Thank you for not writing about Valentines' Day.

    1. My podiatrist is a runner. We were on the same Ragnar team at the Wasatch Back 2011. He fixed my feet and only told me to stay off them for a week. If you're ever in Vegas and have foot problems, I recommend Dr. Gubler.