How to Lose Five Pounds in a Week

First of all, I'm not calling you fat.  I'll leave that to your mother-in-law.

I weighed 178 when I started marathon training.  I weighed 183 during the marathon.  After numerous weeks of summer travel, I weighed 186.  It was time to lose weight.  Training for another marathon was obviously not the answer, at least not the way I was training.

If you're like me (and for your sake, I hope you're not), your marathon training encompassed fast runs, long runs, and recovery runs that weren't really recovery runs because you ran them as fast as you could but were too tired to run within 2 minutes of your hoped for time.  If you're like me, your training runs--especially the long ones--were followed by gorging on refined carbohydrates and sugary treats.

I gained weight because I was training too hard, too much and eating like a four-year old without parental guidance.  Here are the changes I made.

1. If you follow this blog (I'm speaking to all three of you), you may remember I started using a heart rate monitor to slow myself down.  Other than one race, I've kept my heart rate under 142, which has forced me to slow way down.  It's also taught my body how to burn fat instead of sugar for energy.  I've also incorporated some P90X 2 workouts in as well because I need to feel like puking during workouts at least once per week.
2. Because I'm not completely exhausting myself every run, I don't feel it necessary to pig out every meal.  I have seriously reduced my intake of refined carbohydrates and sugar.  I still ate a cupcake and had pasta at three meals last week, so by significantly reducing I mean not eating refined carbs every meal.  I also ate a cupcake on my daughter's birthday and a chocolate covered banana on mine.
3. Because I didn't eat refined carbs every meal, I needed to replace them with foods that filled me up.  This was accomplished by drinking more water,  eating more vegetables, and consuming better fats.  After workouts, I drink a mixture of this green powdery substance made from vegetables, chia seeds, and water.  That's the only loopy kind of thing I do.  I follow this mixture up with two fried eggs a couple hours later, a decent lunch in the afternoon, and pretty much whatever I want at dinner.
4. Because accountability leads to success, I keep track of what I eat.  It's a simple system based on Weight Watchers.  I get a certain number of points per day + whatever I earn from exercise.  I chalk up a certain number of points after EVERYTHING (I've never done all caps before.  This is exciting!!!!!!!!!!!) I eat.  I tally each 16-ounce cup of water I drink until I reach 8.  I tally up every serving of vegetables until I reach 10.  I just mark it on the white board next to the telephone in the kitchen.
5. I eliminated diet soda.  That was tough.

I have no idea if this will work for you.  It's worth a shot.  At the very least, you won't be tempted to click on the "How to eliminate belly fat" ads that appear all over the web.

June 9, 2012 Utah Valley Marathon Preview

The Course

The marathon starts at about 6200 feet and ends at about 4800 feet. For those of you not skilled in math, this means much of the course is downhill. I’ve done quite a bit of training on hills—uphill and downhill. I’ve matched the degree of descent as best I could on training runs. Because I run up before I run down in training runs, the marathon course is much faster than what I’ve been running, so my 3:19:09 time in the 22-mile run may not be an accurate indicator of what I can expect to run on June 9.

There are three significant uphills, according to the elevation profile. After a good six mile descent to start, there’s about a mile of flatness and a slight incline for two miles. My long training runs have included a five mile ascent at about mile five, with three of the first five miles downhill. There looks to be a fairly steep, but short (that’s relative) ascent at miles 12 and 16. Miles 18-26.2 are mostly downhill. I have been training downhill. The last four miles of my long runs have been downhill. Every other mile of most of my shorter runs and some of my tempo runs have been downhill.

The only thing I haven’t prepared for is the altitude. I remember running at 6200 feet last June and I thought I was going to die for the first half mile, which was uphill. Once the descent started, it was all good. I’m going to head up to Mt. Charleston next week, and run six miles downhill from about 7700 feet to get a feel for the start of the race. Does anyone want to come pick me up afterwards and drive me back to my car?

The Weather

The average high at the start in Wallsburg, Utah is in the high 70s. Since the race begins at six in the morning, I won’t be dealing with the high temperature. I’m guessing it’ll be closer to fifty degrees at the start—a little chilly for this desert dweller, but better than heat stroke temperatures. By the time I finish in downtown Provo, it will probably be in the 70s, barring an unfortunate heat wave. Since the run is in a canyon, I’m guessing there’ll be ample shade. I’ve run a 10-miler here before there but I don’t remember it too well, other than it was very enjoyable.

The Scenery

Bridal Veil Falls, Provo Canyon

Provo Canyon is beautiful.

Marathon Plan

I have slightly less than four weeks to go before the marathon. I’ve come up with a race-day plan. Those of you with more experience are welcome to chime in and offer your advice.

Race Strategy

I will drink water or Powerade at every single stop. I’m considering bringing electrolyte tablets just in case. There’s Gu at certain stops too, but I’m going to bring a couple with me in case they run out. I finished my 22-mile run at a 9:02 pace. All I needed to do was finish the remaining 4.2 miles in 41 minutes to break four hours. I could have done it, although it was tough going and I took a few short walk breaks the last few miles.

Because the actual marathon course is faster, more scenic, and cooler, I’d be very disappointed if I didn’t break four hours, especially considering the extra mental and psychological boost you get from fellow runners. That being said, I’d be OK with a four-hour time. I’d be thrilled with a sub 3:50, ecstatic with a sub 3:40, and out-of-this world delighted with a sub 3:30.

That being said, my official goal is 3:49:15 or 8:45 pace. It's fast enough that I'll finish in the top half of a race, something I've never done, but slow enough that I'll finish alive.

How to Return from Injury

Runners coming back from an injury, in addition to physical obstacles, face mental obstacles.  The first post-injury run presents two mental pitfalls: (1) The "wow, I really feel rested so I'm going to tear this up" feeling that could lead to too much too soon; (2) The "I'm so out of shape after taking a month off that I'll never be ready for that race" feeling that leads to depression when one should actually feel good.

I've got a solution.

1. Run on a treadmill. Don't pick just any treadmill. Find the one with the ratty belt that makes annoying noises.  Because running on a treadmill is tedious under normal circumstances, you'll be sure not to overdo it by running too far.
2. Watch annoying TV. Pick the treadmill with a direct view of something that you would never watch under normal circumstances. Make sure it annoys you. If you're a Yankees fan, watch highlights from the 2004 ALCS. If you're a liberal, watch Fox News.  If you're a conservative, watch MSNBC or CNN. It's that easy.
3. Eat crap all day.  Not literal crap, crappy foods.  Jalapeno bagels will do the trick every time.
4. Exercise before you exercise.  That way you won't feel obligated to continue running to stay in shape.

I applied these rules last Friday with amazing success. I started the workout by riding the stationary bike. I then searched for a treadmill. I found one with a loose belt next to a guy singing Barry Manilow and right in front of a TV showing CNN's political "experts" denouncing the Republican presidential candidates because Rush Limbaugh called some law student a slut because she has so much sex she needs help from the government to subsidize it. Haven't these guys said enough stupid things on their own without having to blame them for something a radio entertainer said?  I digress.

I started the treadmill run slow because I was afraid of potential pain. Because of the deteriorating state of the treadmill, I convinced myself it was for safety purposes. I started to pick up the pace, but every time I started to let loose, my esophagus burned with the aftertaste of jalapenos. I had to slow down. Although I had the energy to run five or six mile, I stopped after 1.6 miles and sat down next to the Fox News report that President Obama is Shirley McClain's ex-lover and the reincarnation of Abdul Nassar.

The strategy worked to perfection. I didn't run too far. I didn't run too fast.  I didn't feel bad about running too slow. I learned that Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich hate women... and babies. 

By the way, Barry Manilow rocks the treadmill.

+++++

Training update (as if you care): I followed up the Friday treadmill run with a Saturday 10-k at a sub 8-minute mile pace and a Monday five-miler.  On Thursday I had to cut my run short due to calf soreness. I will not employ my recovery strategy on Saturday. It's my 11-year wedding anniversary and I want to run a mile for each year I've been married. If the run goes half as well as my marriage has, I'll knock the eleven out in about 45 minutes.  Otherwise, it will take about an hour-and-a-half.

Getting Ready for Utah

I have two goals for the Utah Valley Marathon on June 9: (1) Finish the darn thing; (2) Run it in 3:15 or less. I know I can accomplish #1. I have no idea if I can accomplish #2.

I haven’t entered a ton of races. I do not plan on entering any races between now and June 9. I don’t need a bib or a timing chip or a t-shirt that will be converted into an emergency baby clean up rag. And I certainly don’t need to fork over $30. It would be nice to have an aide station every couple miles on the long runs, but a bottle of water and a bush should do the trick. 

I'll use a different bush to urinate.

My goal to run a marathon at a pace I have never even, up to this point, run a 5-k sounds ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as having a phone that takes pictures sounded 20 years ago.

I created my training schedule with the following philosophies

1. Positivity. Change the way I think about myself. If I hold onto the belief that I am slow, then I am slow. If I start thinking of myself as fast, I am fast.  At least that's what my MLM buddies tell me.
2. Running too much is not fun. I want to have fun.  
3. Running three times a week is fun. I want to have fun.
4. Intensity! Intensity! Intensity! I’m using Insanity in place of interval runs, tempo runs and hill repeats.  I'm going back-to-back workouts, followed by puking.  I'm considering doing the Insanity program, but instead of one disc, I'll do the same disc twice each day.  Now that I've written that out, that might be the single stupidest idea I've ever come up with.
5. Rest is necessary. In addition to a couple rest and recovery type workouts each week, there is a rest and recovery week every month. By rest and recovery, I mean reducing physical stress when necessary, not watching The Cosby Show and snacking on peanut butter Captain Crunch.
6. Injuries suck. See above.  The key to not getting injured is not getting injured.
7. Flab is the enemy. I’ve already dropped about 25 pounds.  
8. A schedule keeps one accountable. My workout calendar is completed up until March 6. I’m flexible.  It's ambitious.  So am I.  So was Mussolini, though.