All Hail Garmin!

At one time or another some fat guy or gal, in an effort to make him or herself feel better about a lack of fitness, will tell you about how bad running is for your health, usually while inhaling a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and chugging a 3-litre bottle of Dr. Pepper.

(Some find this irritating and use their anger productively by running faster than their current physical limitations allow for farther than common sense dictates, injure themselves, begin eating Pop Tarts intravenously, gain 120 pounds, and tell other people that running is bad for them, when in reality, it’s listening to people who ingest more M & Ms in a minute than bad jumpers Kobe Bryant takes in the fourth quarter of a playoff game that’s bad for you.)

Occasionally, a semi-well-intended non-runner will semi-incredulously ask you why you punish yourself so. If you’re like me, and let’s be honest, you’re probably not, you shrug your shoulders and strike up a conversation with the three hippos gargling butter who tell you that running is bad for you.  Since striking up conversations with hippos gargling butter, elephants snorting whip cream, rhinos injecting ranch dressing, or negative people who never exercise is bad for you, I decided to explore this clichéd, over-analyzed topic in the most refreshing way possible.

Why do I run?

Dear Garmin, I love you! (I own this sun dial).

I run because I like numbers. 

I’m fascinated with them.  I knew how to calculate batting average, earned run average, shooting percentage (26% by the way is Kobe Bryant’s shooting percentage in the last minute of playoff games with his team trailing by one possession for his career, yet he’s considered the “greatest closer of all time?”), heart attack rates of marathoners compared to the heart attack rate of those whose idea of exercise includes slurping crusted, dried ice cream from under the sofa while applauding Richard Simmons, and just about any other statistic before I knew how to do any of those things that were being measured.

I don’t run because I like running.  

Sure, I enjoy physical activity, dripping in sweat, smelling like rubbing alcohol, and teetering on the verge of vomiting, but there are other ways of accomplishing those things.  So why running?

Running is measurable.

I enjoy lifting weights for the same reason, but my muscles give in long before the feelings of complete exhaustion envelope my body.  A good workout video—Insanity, for example—gives me the same feeling running gives me and the Insanity fitness test does measure progress, but it’s difficult to compare one person’s fitness test to someone else’s due to differences in technique.  In addition, it’s not really communicable.  Someone asks you how you’re progressing with your Insanity workout video and you reply, “I did 64 power jumps this morning,” and he replies, “huh,” smiles and tells you how bad running is for your knees.  Running numbers, on the other hand, are simple.  You run from here to there and tell me how long it took.  Very easy to compare.

What would Billy Shake think about running?

I’m an English teacher.  That’s irony.   

Biking offers the same number simplicity, but so much depends on the bike.  Swimming is good, but you spend too much time in the pool and once you reach a state of exhaustion, you drown.  If you drown, you die.  If you die, you can’t calculate pace.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here are some numbers that probably won’t interest you, but it’s my blog and they interest me.  They’re my PRs.  I don’t limit PRs to actual races because I refuse to pay exorbitant race fees unless a race presents an difficult to attain goal or it's free.  These PRs have all been set in the last 5 months.  I’ve been running for 15 years (not continually; that would be a record).

• 3 miles – 23:37 (I’ve run three mile segments much faster than this during half marathons but that doesn’t count).
• 5-k – 24:37 (I ran back-to-back 5-ks faster than this time, but I needed those for my 10-k PR)
• 5 miles – 39:09 (On hills.  One of my best efforts ever)
• 10-k – 48:02 (The best run of my life)
• 10 miles – 83:23
• Half Marathon – 1:49:55
•  20 miles – 2:59:04

Training Update and Barefoot Running Debut

The calf is feeling much better.  I'm doing no actual training runs for at least another week.  That hasn't, however, stopped me from training.  I've been doing double Insanity workouts--three times this week.  That includes doing one Max Insanity disc, not including the final stretch, immediately followed by a regular Insanity disc, including the warm up but not the warm up stretch.  For those familiar with the discs, the Insanity warm up is about twice as hard as a "normal" workout.

After completing three doubles this week, all I can say is a 10-mile run never sounded so good.

I do P 90 X weight lifting on the in between days, along with a recovery workout, making six good workouts per week with a rest on Sunday.  Yesterday, I jogged a half-mile indoors barefoot.  It was fun.  I've been doing Insanity workouts barefoot, so it wasn't that big of a shock to the feet.  I'm thinking about getting some minimalist shoes so I can run outside.  I don't know if I'll make the full shift to barefoot running, but barefoot Insanity has helped my form, warded off PF (despite what the experts say) and saved me money on socks.

Revolutionary Marathon Strategy and a Double Plyo Debut

I'm not sure why I'm able to do 80 minutes of high intensity plyometrics without any pain in my calf when running four miles makes me feel like someone implanted a tennis ball in my lower leg.

Because of my calf injury, my unconventional training methods are being put to the test immediately.  For those who may not remember my training philosophy and my problem with traditional marathon training methods, I've approached the marathon in a completely different manner.  I'm only running three days per week.  One day is reserved for long runs.  One day is reserved for an easy run.  One day is reserved for an intermediate distance run.

Two days, however, are devoted to high intensity cross training.  Just in case the calf never heals I'm going to cross train my way 26.2 miles.  Here's a list of exercises:

• Mile 1 - Heisman.  This involves bringing the right knee to the chest, hand out like a Heisman Trophy, followed by the left knee.  Repeat until mile is over.
• Mile 2 - Jumping Jacks.  Do not run next to me.  You will get punched and punched hard.
• Mile 3 - Plank Walk.  Get in push up position, perpendicular to the course.  Walk on hands and toes to the side for a mile.
• Mile 4 - Power Jumps.  Jump vertical.  Bring knees above the waste to hit your hands.  Get in my way and I'll bring knees to your face.
• Mile 5 - Reverse Squat Jumps. Start in the squat position, core tight, hands in front.  Do a 180 jump, landing in the squat position.

OK, you get the point.  Maybe I should just hope the calf recovers.

Eating Disorders or Exercise: Which Is The Better Method for Losing Weight?

In part 1 of this two-part series on eating disorders, I showed how eating disorders could lead to faster marathon times.  In part 2, I'll answer the question "What's better for weight loss: eating disorders or exercise?"

There's no easy answer to this question, so let's look at the pros and cons.  We'll treat bulimia and anorexia, the two most popular eating disorders, separately.

Anorexia

Pros: You'll save a ton of money on your grocery bill.  Weight loss usually happens immediately.  You'll spend more time doing things instead of eating.

Cons: You're always hungry and lack energy.  Everyone will think you're a freak. You'll spend a fortune on counseling.  You could die.  You don't really look that good (think trailer park, tank top, Cops episode).

Bulimia

Pros: You can enjoy your favorite foods in massive quantities.  Constant vomiting strengthens core muscles.

Cons: Puke is disgusting.  You'll spend a fortune on food and cleaning supplies. You'll probably die a painful death from stomach acids burning a hole in your esophagus.

Exercise

Pros: It makes you healthy and strong.  You won't die a slow and painful death. You can actually do things.  Chicks dig strong guys. Guys dig strong chicks.

Cons: It takes a lot of time.  You'll sweat a lot.

Insanity was my exercise program of choice for 64 days.

Final Decision

After weighing the evidence, I'm going to side with exercise as the best option for weight loss.  In fact, you'd be better off having a butt so big it requires two extra plane tickets when you travel coach than you would utilizing an eating disorder as a weight loss strategy.

Below are my Insanity after pictures.  There are no before pictures. 

This is as close to anorexia as I'm getting.

Getting Ready for Utah

I have two goals for the Utah Valley Marathon on June 9: (1) Finish the darn thing; (2) Run it in 3:15 or less. I know I can accomplish #1. I have no idea if I can accomplish #2.

I haven’t entered a ton of races. I do not plan on entering any races between now and June 9. I don’t need a bib or a timing chip or a t-shirt that will be converted into an emergency baby clean up rag. And I certainly don’t need to fork over $30. It would be nice to have an aide station every couple miles on the long runs, but a bottle of water and a bush should do the trick. 

I'll use a different bush to urinate.

My goal to run a marathon at a pace I have never even, up to this point, run a 5-k sounds ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as having a phone that takes pictures sounded 20 years ago.

I created my training schedule with the following philosophies

1. Positivity. Change the way I think about myself. If I hold onto the belief that I am slow, then I am slow. If I start thinking of myself as fast, I am fast.  At least that's what my MLM buddies tell me.
2. Running too much is not fun. I want to have fun.  
3. Running three times a week is fun. I want to have fun.
4. Intensity! Intensity! Intensity! I’m using Insanity in place of interval runs, tempo runs and hill repeats.  I'm going back-to-back workouts, followed by puking.  I'm considering doing the Insanity program, but instead of one disc, I'll do the same disc twice each day.  Now that I've written that out, that might be the single stupidest idea I've ever come up with.
5. Rest is necessary. In addition to a couple rest and recovery type workouts each week, there is a rest and recovery week every month. By rest and recovery, I mean reducing physical stress when necessary, not watching The Cosby Show and snacking on peanut butter Captain Crunch.
6. Injuries suck. See above.  The key to not getting injured is not getting injured.
7. Flab is the enemy. I’ve already dropped about 25 pounds.  
8. A schedule keeps one accountable. My workout calendar is completed up until March 6. I’m flexible.  It's ambitious.  So am I.  So was Mussolini, though.